The Measure of Success

Seeing as the Christmas feasting and merriment is over now, it's a good time to reflect on what is ahead. This past year has been remarkable in its intensity what with all of the myriad changes and lessons. I embarked on a journey of self discovery and a hope that I could reconnect with my artistic side in a more meaniful way perhaps even make a career out of it.

Of course there have been many self doubts, I think it goes with the territory. But there have also been many moments filled with magic and wonder that I been truly blessed with gifts and it's my job to acknowledge them.

I find that I've been thinking and living a lot in my head. Trying to sort out intellectually the reasons why I'm doing this thing called music. Writing about it, talking about it, reflecting and generally taking it apart peice by peice. I'm beginning to think that that's not the way to do this. My head knows nothing really about what my heart is saying. It can only guess at the unimaginable.

Music is a very big part of my life, but it's not the only part. I need to eat and I need to have shelter. I also need to trust that it will be okay. I've been saying that a lot this year.

Fear is a powerful thing. It stops me dead in my tracks and puts me under the covers for days.

Self doubt holds hands with fear and creeps into the corners left behind to laugh and pull at the edges of self esteem until I feel naked and very exposed.

But this is not the end. It's only the beginning. I will persevere, because that's what I promised my art. Whatever happens.

Next year is looming and the possibilities are endless. Isn't that what living is all about?