The Thick Skin

You know someone asked me the other day how I managed to not get upset every time someone criticized my music. I had to stop and think about that for a moment. Do I get upset? When I'm before the firing squad at a songwriting workshop, do I let what the panelists say get to me?

Of course I do! Sometimes more than others. But I've learned something. You can't write in a vacuum. You have to take your songs out into the world and take the good with the bad. You are not the only one who benefits from your music and you are also not the only one who has an opinion.

I remember telling a young girl once that her songs didn't rhyme and it bothered her so much that she was in tears. She told me she was an original writer and I just didn't get what she was trying to say.

I had to stop and think about that. It wasn't my style. I didn't like the non-rhyme and I was shocked at how upset she got. The kicker? She asked for my opinion as a writer.

So I started to think about how my own writing is affected by the opinions of others. If I write what I think is a great song, not one that my wonderful husband tells me is the best thing since sliced bread, but one in my heart I know is good, I'm ok with other opinions. I know that it's only an opinion and I don't need to be validated with praise.

But if I write a song I'm not so sure about, and there are many of those, and I share it with folks I respect like other writers, I'm hoping they'll have something constructive to say and I can change or not change the song.

I have people around me I trust. I have writers who are a whole lot more seasoned that I am, and I have mentors I value. These people are my songwriting peeps and I respect their opinions. I don't expect them to say things that they feel aren't true and I'm seasoned enough that I can choose to accept it or not. It's very freeing. Doesn't make the feedback any less difficult sometimes but it's still useful.

Does this come with maturity? Maybe. I put myself in this place at least once a year and take something from it every time. It's important to me.

I can't get better if I don't share what I do. I have a fairly thick skin, it's still easily pierced, but it's still thicker than most. I value the feedback and wouldn't have it any other way.